Chasing the Sun
by triplehhholic
Summary: She was the woman who forgot what it was to dream. He was the boy her heart never forgot. AU HHH/Steph
1. Chapter 1

Chasing the Sun

Chapter 1

_I've got a secret. I used to be in love with you. I've never ever told anyone this. Instead it's been a guilty pleasure I've carried around inside me forever. And I know I could never have confessed to you how I felt. How could I when you never noticed me. I was always just that bratty baby sister. I was totally invisible to you. Or at least I used to think I was until that one time you came to my rescue. I'll never forget how you saved me that day. You were my knight in shining armour; my hero. I worshipped you then and even now I sometimes let myself think of you……._

Stephanie stared at her reflection wondering how it had ever got to this. When did she wake up and become this person, this stranger she hardly recognised any more.

Sighing heavily, her fingertips reached up and touched her pale skin. It felt cold in the low heat of the tiny apartment as she scrutinised the face staring back at her. Her physical features hadn't changed but the blue eyes blinking back at her had somehow lost their vibrant sparkle. They were dull and hollow pools and seemed to be a perfect match for the sad and haunted expression she now wore. She guessed it had only been a matter of time before she could no longer hide what she felt on the inside. Her brave façade was slowly beginning to crumble leaving her empty and lost in a place she had never imagined she could be.

Stepping back from the mirror, Stephanie let out a shaky breath glancing at the jewellery box sitting on the dresser. Her hand reached to touch it fondly, lightly tracing the beautifully carved painted wood. As she carefully lifted the lid, the small room was filled with the melodic tune of a lullaby. She smiled as she listened to the soothing music watching the tiny ballerina pirouette in perfect circles. The jewellery box had been a present for her tenth birthday. As a little girl, it had been her most favourite possession in the world. As a young woman, it was her only memory of a life that had been filled with hopes and dreams; dreams that had slowly evaporated away for her one by one until there had been nothing left to hold on to.

Now she had stopped dreaming. She didn't allow herself to hope. Instead she only did what she could to survive. She was all alone in this big, bad world. There was no one else she could depend on. She was the only person in the world that she would ever be able to trust. Self reliance was a lonely place to be but it was all she had left.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_I remember the first time I saw you. I was watching out the bedroom window and I saw you riding your bike in the driveway with Shane. You had on that baseball shirt you always wore and your hair was blowing in the wind. I remember thinking the strands looked like gold against the bright rays of the summer sunshine and I had the sudden urge to touch them and to feel them against my fingertips. I always imagined they would feel so soft, like the richest silk. And I actually almost found the courage to touch them one time. You were fast asleep and I was watching you as I stood in the doorway. Do you know you look even more beautiful in sleep? In fact you were so beautiful you overwhelmed me that night and suddenly I was aching to touch you. My heart was pounding in my chest as I tiptoed over to your sleeping bag. I had just crouched down when you began to shift around, softly mumbling something. It was enough to frighten me and make me think you might catch me beside you. I scurried back to my bedroom before you could even suspect I was there. I couldn't handle the thought of you finding out my secret. But all night I lay awake remembering your beauty and wishing I could find the courage to reach out and touch you just once……. _

Paul leant back against the busy bar. The dancing lights flashed across his face and he swore he could feel his body throb lowly to the loud beat of the music. He could also feel a bead of sweat start to roll down the back of his neck. It was damn hot in this place; so hot that he had only been here for a couple of hours yet he was on his tenth beer of the night. Throw in the six or seven shots consumed in between and it was safe to say his head was now pleasantly buzzing and he knew by the end of the night there was no doubt he would be completely trashed.

Taking a mouthful of beer, Paul raked his fingers through his hair and looked around the dark club. His friends were around here somewhere. Tonight was a birthday celebration. He was just grateful for the excuse to escape yet another evening spent discussing fucking wedding arrangements. It was seriously starting to mess with his head. In fact the whole damn thing was beginning to feel like one giant noose around his neck which was probably another reason why he was perfectly content to get drunk tonight. He just wanted to forget everything before he exploded. God knows it had felt like forever since he had cut loose and actually enjoyed himself.

Just then he felt the vibration against the top of his thigh and placing his beer down on the bar, Paul reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He let out a sigh as he saw the familiar name scroll across the screen. He wasn't in the mood for another interrogation about where he would be and what he was doing tonight. As he contemplated whether or not to answer the call, he jumped slightly startled as he felt the unexpected slap across his shoulder.

"Let me guess. Emily."

Paul turned round to see his best friend standing beside him, grinning widely. His eyes were wide and glazed and he knew he wasn't the only one getting good and loaded tonight. Although he guessed Jason had a legitimate excuse being it was his birthday and all. In fact getting trashed on a birthday had become somewhat of a tradition ever since they had met in college.

"So what is she riding your ass about this time? You forgot to check in before you left or is she reminding you that you got a curfew?" he chuckled as he summoned the bar tender.

Paul rolled his eyes dryly as he placed his phone back in his pocket deliberately ignoring the call. Because he knew Jason was right. The phone call would only be Emily's way of checking up on him. She wasn't exactly thrilled he was out tonight. God forbid he actually spent some time without her. Ever since he had put that ring on her finger, she seemed to be under the notion they were permanently joined at the hip or something. He loved her but her possessiveness was slowly starting to bug him.

But all thoughts about Emily were soon forgotten as Jason handed him a shot glass.

"Here buddy. Get that down you."

Paul smiled at him gratefully before tilting his head back and swallowing the fiery liquid in one go. His throat burned as he smacked his lips together and placed the glass on the bar. "So, where's Gerry?" he enquired.

Gerry was the third member of their small party and the person most likely to either get lost or pass out, whichever one came first.

"He's over by the stage saving us a seat." explained Jason. "Apparently the next act is the main attraction."

Paul smiled and after ordering them another round of drinks, he followed his friend over to the table, carefully avoiding the bodies obstructing his path as he gripped the chilled bottle necks in his hands. He was surprised to see a handful of women in the club. He didn't think a strip joint would exactly be their thing. It wasn't really his either. He hadn't set foot inside one since college when he was about twenty years old and like any young, hormonal guy, the sight of a naked chick definitely held an appeal. But things had changed and he had grown up since then. Or at least he liked to think that he had. Other times he wondered if he had been forced to grow up and feel burdened with responsibilities he just wasn't ready to face. After all he was only twenty six years old. He had plenty of time to find his way in the world. But if that was the case, why did he feel his time was running out and his life was spiralling out of control. Like someone else was pulling the strings and he was just along for the ride.

Taking a mouthful of his drink, Paul pushed those thoughts aside as he handed the other bottle to Gerry who was grinning at them animatedly. Make that three of them who would be good and loaded before this night was over. The music changed as he took his seat.

"You're just in time Lev. She's on."

Gerry's eager face turned to the stage. Paul rolled his eyes bemused as a chorus of whistles and cheers erupted around the place and he settled back in his chair. The bar lights dimmed even further as a thin veil of smoke hissed through the ducts at the side of the square floor. A tall brunette emerged from the curtain and Paul took a sip of his beer as she began to sway along in time to the music. He could barely make her out in the smoky darkness but there was something about her that held his attention. Maybe it was the way she danced, like she was lost in the music barely even noticing the men that surrounded her. It was as if it was just her and the stage and no one else as she moved confidently and gracefully in front of them.

Paul swallowed thickly and he felt his heart beat a little faster as she moved a little closer, her hips swaying mesmerising him. She had a pair of legs that seemed to go on forever and she wrapped them around the shiny pole with ease. She arched her back and tossed her head. Her loose waves cascaded behind her shoulders and he swore his temperature soared up a couple of notches as her breasts poked out temptingly from her tight bodice. Shit.

Paul shifted in his seat as she continued to move more provocatively. This girl had piqued his interest that was for sure. He wasn't exactly sure why though. After all it wasn't like he hadn't watched a stripper before but there was just something about this woman that pulled him in and made him imagine all sorts of things that he hadn't thought about in a long time; things that were forbidden now he was engaged to another woman.

But his fiancée was the last thing on his mind as he continued to watch her dance, one hand on her hip as her other hand lifted to pull open her bodice. As the buttons popped open and her breasts spilled out, she turned her head and the lights shifted. That's when Paul noticed the pair of blue eyes staring back at him; a pair of blue eyes that left him feeling hot and cold all at once. He recognised those eyes. God knows he'd seen them a million times in another place and another time.

"Stephanie." he whispered.

But her name had just slipped from his lips when the music ended and she was gone leaving him sitting there stunned and confused.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_I miss your face. You always smiled and your smile lifted my heart. In fact, one hint of your smile and I got butterflies. Then there would be the way your eyes would twinkle like the brightest star in the black night sky. Your eyes always captured me and I wished so many times that I could be the one looking into them, getting lost in them, getting lost in you…….. _

Paul shifted his feet on the sidewalk briefly glancing up at the clear night sky. He felt surprisingly sober as the cool breeze blew gently against his face and he could hear the muffled sound of the music echoing through the red brick walls. His friends were still inside enjoying the beer and the entertainment. Chances were they probably hadn't even noticed he had left. He had managed to slip away from the table as the next act came on stage and he had been more than grateful for the distraction. It saved him having to think up an explanation for his absence. No doubt they would think he had left because of Emily anyway and he was perfectly fine with that. Of course they would never suspect the truth; that he was out here because of her. Stephanie.

Sighing softly, Paul turned round and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. His brown eyes looked towards the side entrance door. He couldn't believe it had been her on that stage tonight and of course, there was still the slightest chance he had made a mistake. After all, it had been a long time. He hadn't seen the girl in six years, since his second year in college. He could have been watching someone completely different. But it was her eyes that got to him. He could never mistake those eyes. Then there had been the way she had danced. He knew it was her and he guessed that's why he was out here waiting on her now. To prove that it definitely was Stephanie. For some reason it was important to him. He wasn't sure why but he wasn't going to question it. It just was.

Just then the music became clearer as the side entrance opened. Paul licked his lips as she stepped out into the tree lined street, the bright lights illuminating her pretty face. Any doubts he had about her identity slipped away as she walked in his direction. Her heels clacked against the concrete and a taxi cab rumbled past as he took a step forward, lifting his hands out his pockets.

"Stephanie?"

She glanced up from the sidewalk and met his inquisitive stare. The pair of deep brown eyes made her catch her breath and her heart flipped in her chest like it was reminding her that it was in there, still beating. Suddenly she felt like she was shaking all over as his name fell from her lips.

"Paul." she said stunned.

Stephanie stood there awkwardly unsure how to react to this face from her past. It had been at least six years since she had last seen this man and she allowed herself just a moment to take him in and try to wrap her head around the fact that it was really him standing there. So often she had thought about seeing him again but never actually thinking it would ever happen. Paul had always been a perfect fantasy. Seeing him now, it almost felt like he had stepped out of one of her dreams.

Just then his big hand lifted to rake through his windswept blonde strands and she realised this was no longer the tall and gangly boy she used to dream about. His white cotton shirt hugged his broad, bulky frame and his neatly trimmed beard only accentuated his handsomeness. God, Paul was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined him to be although it hit her that she didn't actually know this incredible man standing in front of her even if he was the boy her heart would remember forever.

As she smiled at him it felt nervous and strange. "What are you doing here?" she finally asked him.

Paul lifted his shoulder in a shrug not entirely sure how to answer that question. See, he didn't know why he had felt the urgent need to seek her out. He didn't know what he had been thinking rushing out here to find her and he sure as hell didn't know what to say. He just knew he couldn't let her walk away.

"We've ah, we've been celebrating a friend's birthday tonight." he explained.

Stephanie nodded feeling like her heart kept skipping its beat, making her feel a little breathless. "Well it's good to see you."

"You too."

Paul paused and allowed his eyes to drift over her. She wore a simple white vest top and jeans. Her chestnut strands sat in loose waves around her shoulders and her blue eyes appeared older and wiser as they looked at him hesitantly. Stephanie had grown into a beautiful young woman yet he could still see traces of the shy timid girl he once knew; the same girl who would always run and hide any time he tried to make a conversation with her. The same girl who used to dream of becoming a dancer and who used to pirouette in the garden when she thought no one was watching her. But he had watched her. Her graceful movement had always mesmerised him much like it had earlier tonight.

"So……you look great." he smiled.

Stephanie bit down on her lip shyly as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "You too."

And he did. In fact, she swore she had never seen anyone look more incredible.

"Stephanie McMahon." Paul's voice softened with his quiet amazement as he slowly shook his head, taking her in. "I can't believe it's you after all this time. You work here, right?"

As his brown eyes stared back at her, her jaw stiffened and she glared back at him almost defiantly. "Actually, no. I just take my clothes off for kicks." she shot back sarcastically.

Stephanie immediately dropped her head averting her eyes before she could see the obvious disappointment on his face. Because she knew he would be disappointed. Everybody was. God, she hated this. She hated knowing people were judging her and labelling her because of how she made a living. It's not like she was here through her own preference. Stripping wasn't exactly at the top of her list of career choices but circumstances had brought her here. She did what she had to do to survive in this world and anyone that didn't like it could just screw off.

"You know that wouldn't surprise me at all, that you would actually do that."

She heard the teasing lilt to his voice. She lifted her head slowly to meet his gaze. His brown eyes were twinkling back at her and she felt a grip in her chest.

"Underneath that shy façade I always knew there was a bit of exhibitionist in you."

Unable to help herself, her lips twitched with her smile. His deep laughter put her at ease and she felt her defences slowly slip away as she quickly realised Paul wasn't judging her at all. Then again, he never had done. When she had felt like the whole world was against her, he had been one of the few people who had accepted her for who she was, no questions asked. Paul had restored her faith way back then. Well, until he was gone leaving her jaded and broken once more.

"It's just good to see you, Steph." he said gently.

"It's good to see you too." she smiled.

Suddenly they were interrupted by the shrill ringing of a cell phone. Paul reached into his jeans pocket.

"Sorry. I'll just be a minute."

As he checked the call, Stephanie found herself wondering who it was and if it was someone important to him. Maybe it was even someone he was in love with. But that thought seemed a little too much to bear as she heard him sigh softly and glance at her awkwardly.

"I should let you take that." she offered taking a step away.

"Steph, wait."

"I really can't." she said quickly feeling her voice crack on her words. She pressed her lips together finding her composure. Seeing Paul had completely thrown her for a loop. She needed to get out of here and try and catch her breath. "Look, I have somewhere I have to be. Maybe I'll see you again some time."

Just then a taxi cab appeared around the corner. She waved to flag it down adjusting the leather strap of her bag on her shoulder.

"Steph, just hold up one minute."

As she opened the cab door, she heard him answer the call and there was a tenderness in his greeting that got to her. She let her eyes linger on him a second longer before she lifted her hand in a wave and smiled sadly.

"I'll let you go, Paul."

"No, please. This won't take long." he said turning round but his face fell as he watched the taxi cab pull away and Paul sighed sadly as he watched Stephanie leave.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Sometimes when I close my eyes I think of you and remember all those little things about you. The little things that made me fall in love with you and the little things that I would lock away firmly inside my heart. I guarded them fiercely like they were the most precious secrets even letting myself imagine that no one else could see these things about you because they were meant for only me, for my eyes. Eyes that stared at you adoringly and eyes that would follow your every move hoping and wishing for that day when you would close your eyes and maybe, just maybe, think of me too….. _

Stephanie chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes scoured the busy club. Her set was thankfully over but she wasn't ready to go home. At least, not just yet.

Her chest fluttered with a nervous anticipation as she made her way towards the bar but she ignored it trying her hardest to convince herself she had come here for a drink and nothing else. She certainly wasn't looking for him because the truth was she wasn't actually interested whether Paul was here or not. And really, why would he be here anyway? She had never seen him in this place before that night and she honestly didn't care if she never saw him again.

But as the realisation dawned on her that there was no sign of him anywhere, the tiny glimmer of hope faded in Stephanie's eyes and she sighed softly wondering who she was trying to kid here. She did care if he showed up and she had been looking for him. In fact she had spent the last six nights searching for Paul and trying to convince herself that the disappointment she felt every time she realised he wasn't there was actually a wave of relief. Relief because she didn't want to see him; she couldn't see him. Seeing Paul was bad for her because he only served to remind her of the life she used to have and the girl she used to be and that girl no longer existed for her. She had been gone for a long time now disappearing with her naïve hopes and dreams; dreams she no longer had now she was a grown woman.

But as Stephanie took a seat at the empty corner of the bar and ordered her drink, she knew that wasn't strictly true. There was still one dream she harboured deep inside. She had ever since the first moment she had laid her eyes on him. It was a dream she thought she had forgotten all about until the second he had walked back into her life and had sent her into a complete tailspin. Paul. The perfect dream her heart had never quite let go of.

God, even now it was beating loudly in her chest at the simple thought of him. In fact, it hadn't stopped beating since their meeting that night. It was as if seeing him had awoken her soul. She had suddenly come alive resurrecting all these weird and intense feelings she had once been capable of; feelings that had only ever been attached to her attraction to one man. And while that notion was completely crazy on so many levels it was also undeniably true. She had never loved anyone the way she loved Paul. She had adored him and once upon a time he had been her beautiful fantasy. Now six years later she found herself once more unable to stop thinking of him.

Raking her fingers through her long brown hair, Stephanie rolled her lips together thoughtfully. She thanked the bar tender as he handed her the drink and taking a mouthful of the chilled vodka, she shifted on her stool and glanced towards the stage - her stage. Up there she was the one in control and every night when she danced, she took herself to another place, another world. God, she loved to dance. She always had. The loud beat of the music gripped her, pulling her in and everything else would fall away as she moved, losing herself in the rhythm. Her mind switched off. She forgot all about what she was doing and where she was. None of that mattered. When she was dancing it was just her and the music. She didn't see hear the lust in the raised voices or see the eager faces ogling back at her. Nothing else existed for her when she was on that stage. When she danced, it was just her up there and her alone.

But as Stephanie took another sip of her drink, she knew that was yet something else that wasn't true any more because tonight something had changed. Tonight she knew she hadn't just been dancing for her. Tonight she had danced thinking of him as well. Paul had consumed all her thoughts as her mind had travelled to places she hadn't been since he had disappeared from her life all those years ago. Places where Paul actually did think about her too and places where she could imagine him holding her and touching her. She had imagined him touching her tonight. Her hand had become his hand as it had drifted lazily over body feeling the burning heat of her smooth skin. As she moved, it was Paul's fingers that had grazed over her neck trailing to tangle in her hair and lifting it up exposing her slender neck. And when she arched her head back, it was his lips she imagined she felt caressing and nipping at the column of her throat. She had been completely swept away by her desire for Paul so much so she even swore she could feel the delicious firmness of his body as she swayed temptingly in front of him needing him to crave her like she so desperately craved him. And she did crave him. She craved him so badly she was sitting here waiting for a moment that would probably in all honesty never come. She'd had her chance with Paul the other night when he had waited for her. But then he'd taken that call and she had left. Now that chance had passed her by and she had to get used to the fact she would probably never see him again. And deep down, she knew that was completely for the best. Paul had his life. She had hers. They could never be intertwined. She could never let him in and that was the way it had to be.

Exhaling slowly as if cementing that decision in her mind, Stephanie decided to leave the club. She slid down from the bar stool and picked up her glass to hastily finish her drink.

"Still knocking back those screwdrivers I see."

Her heart leapt to her throat at the sound of his voice and her eyes went wide as she swallowed her vodka and slowly turned to face him. Her glass dangled, loosely clasped in her fingers as she stared back at the face that had haunted her mind for an eternity.

"Paul." she said softly.

"Hey. How you doin'?" he smiled.

She nodded, feeling slightly stunned and still reeling from the fact Paul was actually here. She couldn't believe it. Not when she'd just decided she was giving up on him. But that resolve began to quickly crumble as she took him in. She could smell the incredible scent of his cologne and feel his presence work its way into her and Stephanie knew she wasn't going anywhere now. Her heart was racing in her chest and her throat felt terribly hot and dry.

"I'm…I'm fine." she eventually stammered out as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'm good. Well at least I think I'm good." she rambled nervously.

"You mean you don't know?" Paul asked as his face faintly flickered with his amusement at her response. His brown eyes twinkled back at her making her knees feel slightly weak.

"I'm just……" Stephanie licked her lips and swallowed thickly trying her best to maintain her composure around him. "I guess I'm just a little surprised to see you here that's all." she explained.

"Well, hopefully it's a nice surprise."

"Yeah. It is. Of course it is." she smiled. Stephanie paused as she lifted her shoulder in a shrug and her lips curved up shyly. "I guess I just never expected to run into you again. You know, after that night."

"You mean the night you ran out on me?" Paul smirked, teasing her.

"I didn't run out on you."

"No. You just high tailed it away in that taxi cab."

Stephanie couldn't help but grin back at him. "What can I say? My limo was in the garage for a couple of repairs."

"A limo, huh?"

Stephanie nodded and giggled into her glass as she lifted it to her mouth and took a sip of her drink.

"So this limo of yours, is it outside waiting to pick you up tonight?"

She quickly shook her head as she swallowed the vodka and shifted a step closer to him as someone passed by them. She tried to ignore the tiny shiver she felt as his arm briefly brushed against hers. "Actually I gave my driver the night off." she told him.

"You did?"

"Uh huh."

"Then I guess it's my lucky night."

Her brow crinkled with her curiosity. "Lucky? How's it lucky?"

"Well see, I came here hoping I would find you and hoping we could maybe pick up where we left off."

As his piercing brown eyes looked back at her expectantly, Stephanie felt the catch in her throat. Paul had come here looking for her. She wasn't sure why he had but right now, his reasons didn't matter. All that mattered was the fact he was standing in front of her right here and now and she wasn't going to let this chance pass her by. Because God knows it felt like she had been waiting for him all her life.

Smiling back at him, she felt an air of nervous anticipation and her hand absently skimmed over her fluttering stomach. "And where did we leave off exactly?"

"Oh I don't know."

Paul smiled as he gestured towards the empty glass in her hand.

"Maybe I was going to offer to buy you another one of those and in exchange you get to entertain me with your company."

"Yeah?"

He nodded.

"Well I gotta warn you. My company can get pretty boring." she teased.

"In that case I'll make my drink a double."

Paul grinned and turned his attention to the bar. Stephanie stood behind him smiling brightly and ignoring the warning voices in her head that she was already getting far too close to him. After all, that very notion was ridiculous. She was only having one drink with the guy for goodness sakes. What harm could it possibly do? And anyway, after tonight she probably wouldn't ever see him again.

But as she ached with disappointment at that thought and she felt a familiar grip in her chest as she looked up at Paul, Stephanie knew she was in way in over her head already and there was nothing she could do about it. She was completely powerless to stop it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Nine Years Before

_I used to like to sit and watch you after school. It was during baseball practice and I would hide behind the bleachers scared you might see me there but I could always see you. You would run out onto the field and my heart would start to beat madly in my chest. The way you moved mesmerised me like I was witnessing something really beautiful every time. And you were beautiful. You were the most beautiful thing in my world. The way you moved it was so graceful despite your power and your strength. And your strength always amazed me. I sometimes found myself thinking what it would be like to be wrapped in your strong arms, safe and protected from the world and if you maybe held on to me tightly enough you might just be able to protect me from myself too……_

Paul chomped on his gum tossing his gym bag over his shoulder. His body felt heavy and tired and he tried to ignore his aching muscles. He could even barely lift his feet as he walked through the park, dragging his heels and flattening the lush green grass underneath. As the moon shone brightly above him, he sighed and began to question his own sanity for doubling his reps at the gym tonight and not only that his decision for walking there in the first place. Sure it had been a nice spring night when he had left after dinner and he always enjoyed the fresh air but he should have taken the car instead. That way he could be tucked up in bed fast asleep right now. Instead he was still a half hour from home and losing out on valuable snooze time. He had a six am start in the morning and if he was late for practice one more time the coach would undoubtedly kick his ass. He might even kick him off the baseball team and he couldn't allow that to happen. The guys were relying on him. He was their star hitter. Two more league wins and they were practically guaranteed the championship and maybe even his college scholarship into the bargain. God, he hoped so because the scholarship was his only real chance of getting out of this town. It was either that or staying here and pumping gas for a living because there was no way he could allow his parents to get in debt just to fund his tuition. They weren't rich people and his father was the local minister. He wasn't a wealthy businessman like Shane's father, Vince McMahon who could afford to send his son to the best university in the country and give him the start in life most people like him could ever only dream about.

But while Vince was successful in business, his father was just as successful in his dedication to providing pastoral care for this town. He was well respected and loved by the community and spent a lot of his time visiting the schools and the hospital. He also held personal prayer studies and provided counselling yet he still found time to be with his family. He had come to every single school recital or baseball game he had ever played in. His parents had been there for everything and had given him nothing but love and emotional security. The least he could do was give them some form of security back and not burden them with the financial responsibility of sending him to college. If he didn't get the scholarship, he simply would find another way although what that way would be he had absolutely no idea. He just had to pray he came up with something and something fast.

Sighing softly into the wind, Paul raked his fingers through his damp blonde strands and walked past the circle of trees to his left. He faltered in his footsteps as he heard the voice that echoed in the fresh breeze.

"Please, stop."

Paul's head turned and his eyes narrowed in that direction. He could make out the two figures in the shadowy darkness and they were kissing. They were clearly a couple and his gut reaction was to keep on walking. After all, it was none of his business. They were obviously there to make out and no doubt the guy's eager wandering hands had just been met with some form of resistance. He should know. He'd been in that position a few times himself lately with Emily blowing constantly hot and cold on him. One minute she was up for fooling around. The next she was protesting he was moving way too fast for her. He just wished she would make up her mind or even better yet give him an insight to the female psyche so he would at least know where the hell he stood with her and that when she said yes, he knew she actually meant it.

"Please, you're hurting me…."

This time there was no mistaking the desperation or fear in the voice and Paul knew he had to do something. He couldn't leave not when he could hear the girl was clearly in trouble. As he made his way to the small clearing where they stood, he could see their figures illuminated by the soft moonlight. The girl let out a whimper as she wriggled up against the tree and even in her struggle he could see her body limp against the man that held her prisoner as he assaulted her neck. Her delicate build was clearly no match for his tall bulky frame but he certainly was and Paul figured he could easily take him if it came down to that.

He carefully placed his gym bag on the grass as he approached them silently.

"Come on baby, you know you want this."

"No I don't. Let go of me!" she cried, trying to push him away from her but to no avail. The young man pushed her hard against the rough bark and Paul's fists clenched as he shouted, interrupting them.

"You heard the lady. Let her go!"

The guy's head whipped round in his direction. His eyes widened in surprise when he recognised the angry face glaring back at him. It was fucking Drew Potter. The guy was in his English and biology class and his father owned half the town which entitled Drew to walk around with a huge chip on his shoulder, like the whole world owed him something. Well the only thing he was owed right now was a beating and he would give it to him gladly because it was safe to say he hated Drew. He was arrogant, a bully and not to mention a complete idiot.

"Back off. This is none of your business." warned Drew, snarling at him through the shadows.

"Yeah, well I'm making it my business." he replied, moving to stand menacingly in front of him, his fists clenched and his eyes glaring darkly at him.

"What? Do you think I'm scared of you, Levesque?!"

"You fucking should be."

Paul saw Drew's face flicker and he knew that despite his bravado, the guy was crapping himself. See, that was the trouble with guys like Drew. They were all words and perfectly content to mouth off and jerk around with people weaker than themselves but the moment anyone stood up to them it was a different story. Drew was intimidated by him. He knew it and Drew knew it too so it was no surprise when he let go off the girl and she sank to the ground as he began to slowly back away.

"Yeah, well I don't need this shit. You can have the bitch. I'm done with her."

"That's the wisest thing you've done all night. The next would be to get the hell out of here before I get the chance to beat your ass." growled Paul.

He took a step closer just as Drew began to bolt. His frantic footsteps disappeared into the park as Paul turned to the girl. She was sitting slumped against the tree, her knees pulled to her chest and her head bowed forward. He cautiously approached her hearing her light whimpers signalling she was crying.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked her as he crouched down beside her. He could hear her sniff as her gentle perfume carried in the breeze infiltrating his senses. It was a vanilla scent that was familiar to him but he didn't realise how familiar until the girl lifted her head. As her big wide eyes stared up at him in the white light of the moon, he heard the leaves rustle above him silencing his sharp intake of breath.

"Stephanie?" he said in soft surprise.

"Is he gone?" she asked shakily, panicked.

Paul slowly nodded his head. He watched the tears that slipped over her lashes and she lifted her hand to swipe at them angrily. Stephanie quickly rose to her feet adjusting the strap of the thin red vest top she wore. It was accompanied by a short denim skirt and as Paul straightened up and looked at her, he swallowed thickly and blinked heavily. It was like he was seeing her for the first time and wondering how he could have missed this until now. The soft feminine curves of her body were unmistakable underneath her clothing and told him Stephanie McMahon was no longer the little girl that he thought of anymore and somehow overnight had grown into this beautiful young woman; a beautiful young woman that had nearly been in danger tonight.

Paul felt his stomach churn at that thought and he quickly pushed it aside unable to even imagine what could have happened to her if he hadn't been walking by and heard her cries. Just the idea of anyone hurting her made him totally sick inside.

"I need to go home."

Stephanie quickly pushed past him exiting the trees. He hastily followed on behind her only stopping along the way to retrieve his gym bag. As he adjusted the strap on his shoulder, his hand reached out to lightly grip her arm tugging her to him.

"Wait."

Her blue eyes stared back at him, agitated.

"Let me walk with you." he pleaded.

She shook her head as she began to walk again, the high heels of her sandals sinking into the grass. "I'm fine."

Paul rolled his eyes, not surprised at her stubbornness to accept his offer. After all, she was a McMahon and the McMahons siblings were extremely stubborn people. It was a trait he had witnessed on quite a few occasions and a trait he was in the habit of dealing with over the years.

"I'm sure you are fine but I'm walking with you anyway." he told her.

He took her silence as her consent. Their footsteps moved in time with one another as they walked across the park and his facial expression was soft as his concerned brown eyes glanced across at her.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I told you. I'm fine."

Paul pressed his lips together thoughtfully knowing she was probably lying but what else could he do? He couldn't force her to talk about what happened and no doubt she wanted to forget it anyway. But at least by walking her home he could make sure Stephanie was safe. He could also try and warn her about scum like Drew. Why the hell was she with him anyway? They were obviously on a date but he hadn't even known Stephanie was seeing anyone. Shane had never mentioned it to him. He had never noticed her with him either but then again why would he notice that when he hadn't even noticed she was now sixteen; sixteen and almost a woman.

"God, it's getting cold." she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself.

Paul dropped his bag to the ground and unzipped his black hooded sweater. The chilly spring air made his arms prickle with goose bumps as he removed it and passed it to Stephanie.

"Here, put this on. It will help keep you warm."

She nodded gratefully but hesitated as she licked her lips and noticed his short sleeved t-shirt. "But what about you?"

"I'm tough." he grinned. "I can handle a little cold."

Her slow smile warmed his heart as he picked up his bag and he tried not to laugh as she pulled his sweater on, her arms disappearing in the long sleeves and the bottom hem falling to the middle of her thighs.

"Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you."

Paul nodded and they started to walk in silence. It wasn't until they had left the park and crossed the bridge that he decided to broach the subject.

"So how long have you guys been dating?"

"Who? Me and Drew?"

He nodded and Stephanie lifted her shoulder in a shrug, crossing her arms over her chest. Her hair blew behind her in the night breeze. "I don't know, a couple of months or so. It wasn't anything serious though."

"Good."

She turned her head, her brow crinkled with her frown. "Why good?"

"Because Drew Potter is a jerk, Steph." he explained. "What were you doing with a guy like him anyway?"

Stephanie stared at him not sure what how to answer that. After all how could she tell Paul the truth? How could she let him know that her main reason for dating Drew was because he had noticed her when Paul hadn't? He had paid her attention. He had made her feel wanted and desired. Paul had never wanted her and he never would. Not when all she would ever be was Shane's bratty little sister. He would never see her as anything else so she had no choice but to settle. She had to settle for less and settle for being this girl she tried to convince herself she wanted to be.

"He's too old for you not to mention you can do way better than him."

Usually Stephanie would have felt overjoyed at this show of concern, touched even. God knows it had felt like forever since she had waited for any sign that he did care about her the way she cared for him. She loved Paul. All she had ever wanted was for him to love her back but she knew that was impossible. Most times he barely even noticed she was there. He knew nothing about her or her life so he really had no right to judge her like he was judging her now. He just didn't get it. No one did.

"Look it's not so simple for me okay?" she shot back, turning to face him. Her big blue eyes flashed with her anger as she glared at him. "I'm not like you, Paul. I don't get noticed when I walk down the hallway. People treat me like I'm invisible or at least they did until I got with Drew. Then suddenly people did notice me. When I was with him, I fit in. I wasn't this freak. I'm not just the girl who gets A's on every test. I'm not the girl who likes ballet and piano and all those other things that make me different from everybody else. Because when I'm on my own, I'm not popular and I'm not beautiful. I'm just me…."

"And what's wrong with that? What's wrong with being you?" he asked, interrupting her.

Stephanie's eyes glared back at Paul defiantly. "Everything!"

"Steph……"

She shook her head and stepped back tilting her head down and staring at the ground. She couldn't look at Paul's face. She couldn't look into those incredible eyes and see the sympathy lurking there. She didn't want his sympathy. She didn't want him feeling sorry for her. She was a big girl. She could handle it.

"Look can we not talk about this? I just want to go home." she said softly.

Stephanie slowly lifted her head. Her chest ached at the gentle expression Paul wore as he nodded his head and they walked the rest of the journey in silence. She was only capable of offering him a smile as she ascended the steps to her house. Thankfully it was in darkness and she could slip quietly into bed and try to forget everything that had happened tonight.

"Steph?"

Paul's voice halted her in her tracks and she turned on the step to look at him. She felt her breath catch in her throat as the moonlight danced across his handsome face.

"I just wanted you to know something."

He paused absently kicking at the gravel as he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder.

"I just wanted you to know that for the record, you are beautiful. Or at least you are to me."

The butterflies in her chest danced at his words as he lifted his hand in a wave and she struggled to breathe once more.

"Goodnight Steph."

Paul turned and walked down the path and Stephanie placed her hidden hand over her heart as her lips twitched with her smile.

"Goodnight Paul." she whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Nine Years Before – A Few Months Later

_Some people believe souls are fated to be the mates of one other. They complete each other but if they become separated, they suffer enormous pain. I often wonder if that's why my heart hurts so much knowing it has to continue to beat without you……. _

The rough stone made a splash and a plop as it hit the water. The ripples that followed were the only proof it had been there as the large pebble quickly vanished without trace, sinking to the bottom of the river bed.

As Stephanie stepped back from the bank feeling the balmy breeze blow against her face, she wondered if the same thing could work for her. If she threw herself into the river, would she able to vanish without a single trace and disappear from everyone and everything around her? Because she really wished she could. Only then would she have the chance to finally escape the crappy existence of her life; a life where she was never good enough or the people around her just didn't seem to care about her. Nobody wanted her. Or at least that's how she felt especially lately and today had just been the icing on the cake when she'd had yet another argument with her father.

Blinking back the tears of frustration that threatened to fall once more, Stephanie let out a calming breath and sat down on the grass. Stretching her legs out, she stared up at the bright blue sky and felt the hot rays of the sun kiss her face. This morning she had received a letter informing her she had failed to make the grade in an interview for a summer job her father had lined up for her through one of his many contacts. Apparently teaching drama in a summer camp was an enviable holiday placement and would be a huge selling point when it came to her college application for a school in Europe. Not that she had ever expressed any desire to further her education in another continent but apparently it was something she had absolutely no choice in being it was a McMahon family tradition. Her grandfather went to business school overseas as well as her father and Shane would be following in their footsteps when he relocated over there at the start of the month.

But Europe wasn't her dream and when she'd tried to explain to her father that she just wanted to dance, he had laughed in her face telling her she was "foolish" and "naive" and that he was "extremely disappointed" in her lack of ambition. How often had she heard that line being she was the black sheep of their perfect little family? Still, she had tried her best to disguise that fact. She looked the way she was supposed to. She spent her allowance on expensive designer jeans and sweaters like she was expected to and her appearance was always picture perfect. Her thick brown locks were regularly maintained every six weeks to look glossy and natural and her makeup was applied without a single smudge. Sometimes she could even act the way she was supposed to too. Her father was a successful man and his wealth made him extremely popular regardless of what kind of person he was in life. Her mother was the head of a handful of local charities and highly regarded within the community. Even her brother had been the Valedictorian of his class when he had graduated last month yet in spite of his academic excellence, he had always been the "popular, cool" kid without even having to try.

Her consistent "A" grades had only made her stand out from everyone else until she used her sexuality to her advantage and got involved with the "in crowd" at school. Dating guys like Drew Potter had hidden her differences and being the girl who got to hang off his arm, suddenly she was popular too. For the first time in her life she fit in somewhere but belonging came at a price. When she smiled, it was false like it was someone else's smile and the world around her just didn't feel real at all. Still, she didn't let her mask slip because she was scared that if she finally did, people would see who she truly was and she would be that person again; a person who felt out of place and invisible.

But despite that, despite all her efforts to be the person she was expected to be, one person still remained completely blind to her existence. The one person who would never see her even if he had said she was beautiful.

Sighing softly into the breeze, Stephanie briefly closed her eyes and thought about that night when Paul had saved her. He had literally charged in like a hero to her rescue scaring Drew away and stopping a horrible situation. Drew's hands had been all over her and she had been so worried and frightened that she couldn't stop things from going too far. However, that fear had disappeared the second she had looked up and recognised his gorgeous face. Paul had even walked her home afterwards and given her his sweater. She had been so grateful and touched by his genuine concern for her and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him since then or remembering what he had done for her. His actions had only made her fall even more deeply in love with him but it was a love that was completely unrequited and his heroic gesture hadn't changed a single thing between them despite her heart wishing for so much more.

"Steph?"

The sound of her name on his lips startled her. Stephanie opened her eyes stunned to see Paul walking in her direction across the grass. Looking at him in an amazed disbelief, her spirits instantly lifted with his presence as her mind began to swim with delight and her heart started to beat wildly. He was wearing a baseball cap that sat backwards over his head and a sleeveless grey t-shirt that hung over the waistband of his denim shorts. It was a t-shirt that was similar to one he had left at her house a few weeks ago. She had spotted it lying at the edge of the grass where he and Shane had been tossing a football and she had stolen it once Paul had been safely home. It lay folded in her underwear drawer and when she needed to she would take it out and breathe in the faint mixture of the spiced berries and citrus.

His fading scent would be all she had left of Paul at the end of the month; that and the memories she would lock firmly in her heart. He was leaving town next month and heading to the bright lights of the city to attend college there. No doubt Miss Varsity Cheerleader, Emily, would be going with him. According to Shane, she had applied to the same places as Paul which made Stephanie want to puke knowing the girl just didn't want to let her boyfriend out of her sight. She was probably too afraid he might discover someone else other than her and didn't trust him to take his first step in the big bad world all alone.

But as her fingers absently pulled at the cool blades of grass, Stephanie knew she was probably being a tad unfair to the girl because in all honesty, if she was lucky enough to be in Emily's shoes she would be doing the exact same thing. She would be following Paul wherever he went. She'd follow him to the ends of the earth if she had to and feel completely justified in doing so knowing there was absolutely nothing wrong in letting her heart guide her way.

"Hey!" Paul smiled as he stopped to stand in front of her casting his long shadow across her face. The sun flecked the ends of his hair with a shiny gold and Stephanie felt a tightening in her chest as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Hey." she stammered out.

"Have you caught up with your father yet? I just saw him over at the house and he asked me if I'd seen you."

She quickly shook her head and her eyes squinted in the bright glare of the sun once more as Paul lowered himself to the ground to sit in front of her. His big arms were tanned and smooth and Stephanie briefly wondered what it would feel like to have them wrapped around her, holding her close and protecting her.

"He seemed a little worried about you."

"I doubt it." she shot back as she pushed back the loose brown strands that had blown across her face in the breeze. "All he cares about is himself and his stupid contacts."

Paul smiled at her softly and as his big brown eyes looked back at her Stephanie realised the sun had suddenly slipped from the sky to shine in his eyes.

"You guys have an argument?" he asked her as he rested his thick forearms on his bent knees.

She slowly nodded her head and her shoulders rose and fell with her heavy sigh. "I blew an interview for a job. Let's just say he wasn't best impressed."

"Eh, he'll get over it."

"No he won't." she informed him sadly. "All it has done is made him realise just how much of a disappointment I am to him."

As her sad eyes stared back at him, Paul lost himself in her gaze for a moment seeing the emotions that swam around in her ocean blue pools, emotions that somehow held a strange familiarity to him.

"I'm sure that's not true." he said, trying his best to reassure her and lift her spirits.

"No?" she lightly smirked and made a light scoffing noise that didn't even vaguely resemble her attempt at laughter. "You didn't see his face, Paul. You didn't hear him when he called me stupid and ungrateful but see, what my father doesn't get is that I'm not Shane. I don't want to go to Europe because I'm expected to. I don't want to go to some school and waste my life doing something I don't want to do."

As she let her frustrations out, Stephanie felt the hot tears well in her eyes once more and she bit down on her bottom lip to try and control them. She wasn't going to cry in front of Paul even when all she wanted to do was throw her arms around his neck and hold him tight and cry until he made her tears stop.

"Have you tried explaining to him how you feel?"

Her lips curved up sadly. "Yeah. You know what he said when I told him I wanted to dance instead?"

She paused and pressed her lips together tightly trying her best to maintain her composure.

"He said I was foolish and naïve and told me I would never make it in the real world. He thinks my dreams are a waste of time and you know what? He's probably absolutely right."

Paul's brow furrowed in her direction as he looked at her in absolute seriousness. "Why? There is nothing wrong with having dreams Steph."

"No? Well I think there is especially when you're someone like me." she sighed as she tugged once more at the blades of grass beside her. "Someone's whose dreams can never be real because the person they belong to isn't all that real either."

"Well you look pretty real from where I'm sitting."

Stephanie shook her head impatiently knowing Paul just didn't get it. No one ever did. "Look I'm not like Shane and I'm not like you either. You don't understand. No one does!" she cried.

Paul watched her for moment and she saw his face flicker with an unfathomable expression before he straightened his legs out in front of him and gazed out towards the babbling river. His voice sounded distant as he talked to her.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't understand." he said softly. "I mean how could I possibly know what it's like to live up to the expectations other people set for you? Expectations that have good intentions but are constantly affecting your choices in life and sending it off into a direction you just might not want to take."

He licked his lips and paused for a moment turning his head to stare at her again. Stephanie swallowed thickly as his piercing brown eyes worked their way into her.

"But part of you is torn whether to just take it anyway because the alternative is disappointing the people you love and having to live with that disappointment day after day. A disappointment that crushes you up inside or maybe it just makes you want to sit alone on some river bank and cry."

She just looked at him for a moment, stunned by the harsh truth contained in his words and the realisation that maybe, just maybe, someone did get her after all. Paul understood her. Yet in spite of this, she knew he still couldn't magically make all her problems disappear.

"I wasn't crying." she argued trying her best not to let him get too close to her. If he got close, she knew she would fall and spill out all the secrets she had tried so hard to keep from him and everybody else.

As she glared at him, Paul's brow furrowed with his stern expression; an expression that berated her for even thinking she could fool him with her pathetic attempt at denying her tears.

"It's okay to be upset, Steph." he told her, his face becoming gentler with his words as his hand reached out briefly touching her leg. As his touch burned her skin, she swore she could even see the sympathy that flickered in his incredible brown eyes and for some reason that made her feel angry. She didn't want his sympathy or him thinking he had to feel sorry for poor little fucked up Stephanie.

"What do you care?" she snapped back pulling her leg away.

Paul looked almost hurt as he drew his hand back from her. "Of course I care."

"No you don't. You're just trying to pretend you do because you think it will make me feel better."

"That's not true and you know that it's not." he scowled.

"Do I?"

"Yes!"

"Then why, Paul?" Stephanie asked as her heart raced in her chest and she looked at the boy that she loved so much, the boy no one else could ever live up to. "If you care then why am I totally invisible to you? Why don't you see me?"

"What do you mean? Of course I see you."

"Yeah? When?"

She let out a shaky breath and she felt herself trembling as she continued with her admission knowing she was in far too deep to take it back now.

"Because you know something?" she told him. "I've been looking at you for as long as I can remember and not once have I ever found you looking back at me."

Her words hung between them as the light breeze blew against her hot face. Paul was appraising her in an almost shocked silence and that silence drained her of her courage. Stephanie quickly scrambled to her feet unable to look at him as she smoothed down her short summer skirt.

"I've just remembered something I have to do. I've got to go." she mumbled.

Her hurried departure lifted Paul from his haze as he called out after her and her name echoed along the silent river bank.

"Stephanie!"

But she didn't reply and his confused brown eyes could only stare after her as he slowly stood up. Stephanie was running and her hair flew behind her in the breeze until she disappeared into the thatch of whispering trees. But Paul still continued to stand there, his gaze transfixed like he could somehow still see her even although she was long gone, totally vanished from sight.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Six Years Before

_When you left, I used to imagine you were still here. I would see your face in the school hallways. I would even picture you waving at me from the cafe across the street. I don't know why. Maybe it made me feel better inside. Because with you gone, I just needed something to hold on to; something tangible that would give me hope you would maybe come back some day. Because I miss your face sweetheart. I miss you._

Stephanie stood totally fixated at the bottom of the hallway and she felt her hand shake as she took a sip of her drink. The loud music became a dull thud in the distance and the crowd of people around her disappeared as she focused her attention solely on one person. He was standing at the opposite side of the room. At first she had tried to tell herself he was a mirage, a figment of her imagination. But when he had turned in her direction, she couldn't mistake the face permanently etched in her mind or the incredible smile that lit up her heart every time she saw it. Paul was here; he was really here. He was finally home.

As Stephanie bit down on her lip and allowed herself to drink him in, she realised it had been a little over two years since she had last seen him. Paul had left for college the summer she had began her junior year of high school. It had felt weird walking those halls and not seeing him there. His locker had sat empty for three long months until a new kid transferred from across state and took it. He had blonde hair too although it was cropped short and looked nothing like Paul's. Paul's hair was like soft strands of silk although she noticed it was much longer now and sat just on his shoulders. He really suited it and his face was tanned and healthy. In fact, he looked really good in a simple white t-shirt and jeans. It seemed like college life was really agreeing with him.

Sighing softly, Stephanie took another mouthful of her punch and tried not to feel disappointed about that fact. After all, she wanted Paul to be happy yet still there was a part of her that had secretly hoped he just might be a little miserable. But only miserable enough that he would visit home more than once every two years. It had been a long time without him around and she had missed him badly.

"Steph, have you seen Nate?"

She shook her head at the voice, not even interested who was looking for him. All she was interested in was Paul who was now making his way towards her. Shit!

Stephanie let out a calming breath and feeling her palms clam up with sweat, she quickly wiped them on her skirt wondering if he would even notice her standing here. But she didn't have to wonder any longer when his brown eyes looked up in her direction. They sparkled with the huge grin that quickly erupted across his face.

"Stephanie McMahon. As I live and breathe."

His big arms wrapped around her and hugged her fiercely. She briefly closed her eyes as she breathed him in and felt the gentle warmth of his embrace through the cotton material of his shirt.

"So, how the hell are you?" he asked stepping back.

His movement was exaggerated as he raked his hand through his hair and Stephanie pressed her lips together to stifle her laughter as he swayed slightly to the left. It appeared Paul was drunk. In fact it was safe to say Paul was probably not far away to being completely smashed out of his face.

"I'm good." she smiled and had to place her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle as he blinked heavily, trying his best to focus.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"You."

"Me? What's so funny about me?" he grinned.

"Well look at you. How much have you had to drink exactly?"

Paul shook his head in amusement as he placed his hand on her back, gently guiding her to the side as a group of college girls bounced past them. "It's a party. You're supposed to drink at a party, remember?"

"I remember." she smiled briefly turning away to place her empty punch glass on the sideboard just beside her. She adjusted the thin spaghetti strap of her red top which had fallen slightly off her shoulder and looked up to see Paul smiling at her. Her heart flipped in her chest and she licked her lips.

"It's good to see you, Steph."

"It's good to see you too."

"Fancy another drink?" he asked gesturing to her empty glass.

"Do you really think that's such a good idea in your condition?"

Paul's brow furrowed in her direction. His nose wrinkled cutely with his scowl and Stephanie found herself giggling at his sombre expression.

"Okay. Another drink it is." she agreed.

The corner of his mouth lifted into a slow smile. "Good answer. Come on. The alcohol is this way."

His hand slipped deliciously into hers as he led her to the kitchen and she had to chew down on her lip to stop herself from grinning like an idiot. Paul was holding her hand. His skin felt so lovely and warm against her palm and it was a perfect fit. It was almost as if they were meant to be joined together. Of course that was only in her fantasy world. In reality, his hand held someone else's; someone else that was strangely suspicious in her absence. Because anyone who knew Emily knew that when she and Paul were out together, she very rarely strayed from his side ever. It was almost like she was joined to his hip so the fact she was nowhere near his hip right now made her wonder if Emily was even here tonight. If she wasn't, she wouldn't complain. If anything it only served to make this night even better for her.

"So stranger what finally brings you back to this neck of the woods?" she asked as they walked over to the counter. It was littered with beer kegs and bottles of all shapes and varieties and her hand felt cold as Paul released it and reached for a couple of bottles of beer. She smiled as he twisted off a cap and handed her one with the cold glass chilling her fingers.

"Family roped you into coming home for Thanksgiving?" she asked as she took a sip of the drink. She winced slightly at the bitter taste but was grateful for the reprieve from the punch. One more glass and she would have burned her mouth off.

"Something like that." Paul replied lifting his shoulder in a shrug and taking a long mouthful of his drink.

"Is Emily home with you?"

There was an unfathomable expression in his eyes before he dropped his head and began to pick at the peeling label on the bottle. Stephanie actually took a quiet satisfaction in his actions as she waited for his reply. Apparently peeling labels from a bottle was a sign of sexual frustration and Paul not getting any somehow made her feel tremendously happy.

"Actually no. She decided to stay with some friends in Boston." he quietly explained.

"Oh."

"Oh?" he asked, looking up and curiously crinkling his brow. "What does oh mean?"

His expression was stern as he looked at her but his lips twitched with his smile and Stephanie knew he was only teasing her. She smirked as she lifted her shoulder in a shrug.

"I don't know. Maybe it's just "oh, Emily is in Boston."

She paused and shifted her feet on the tiled floor as she raised the question lingering impatiently in the back of her mind.

"Or maybe it's "oh. They had a fight and now I can see why Paul is good and loaded."

"Hey, I'm not drunk." he scowled once more as his hand shot out to playfully shove at her. But somehow he lost his footing in the process and slipped backwards. His hand grabbed onto the edge of the counter managing to steady himself but his beer was the casualty spilling in a mass of liquid and foam over the front of his shirt. As he groaned out loud, Stephanie couldn't help her laughter and her shoulders shook with her amused giggles.

"Okay. Maybe I am just a little bit drunk." conceded Paul as he placed his bottle down on the counter.

"You think?"

"Less of it, McMahon." he teased as he lowered his head and sniffed in the direction of his chest. "Christ! I smell like a fucking brewery. I think I'd better try and wash some of this off."

He lifted his head and pushed back his hair as he stared almost in confusion around himself.

"What do you say I come and help you?" offered Stephanie and her chest fluttered madly with the bright smile he offered in reply.

"I'd say that was a great idea being I have no clue where the bathroom is in this place."

"It's top of the stairs, first on the right."

"You've been here before then?"

Stephanie nodded as she took a one last swig of her beer before placing the bottle down. She smiled as she swallowed her drink and tucked a few loose waves behind her ear. "I have been known to attend the odd party you know."

"Oh trust me, I know. I had to listen to your brother bleat on about it often enough."

As she laughed and guided him back in the direction of the hall, she silently wondered if Paul would take her hand again. But he didn't. Instead his hip intermittently bumped against hers as she lightly gripped hold of his arm.

"How is Shane anyway? The bastard still hasn't returned my e-mail I sent last month."

Stephanie smiled as she began to ascend the stairs. "He's fine. He's still in Europe and spends a lot of time with that girl he met, Marissa."

"Marissa? Who the fuck is Marissa?"

"You mean he hasn't told you about her? They've been dating for at least the last six months."

"What?! You're kidding?"

Stephanie shook her head.

"You know that guy tells me nothing. I swear to God I'd have to beat any information out of him, which I just might do next time I see him, the bastard."

"Here, this way." she smiled as she led him to the bathroom. Her hand reached for the knob only to sigh in frustration when she realised it wasn't going to budge.

"Damn, it's locked."

Paul rolled his eyes as he leant his back against the wall and grimaced as he flicked his hand over his damp t-shirt. "It doesn't matter. This will probably dry in anyways."

"Wait. Kara is out of town. She's got a bathroom. Come on."

"Kara? Who the hell is Kara?" asked Paul, confused as Stephanie took his hand and began to lead him down the hallway.

"She's Nate's sister."

"Nate has a sister?"

She smirked in amusement as she opened the door and led him into the dark deserted bedroom at the end of the hall. "You don't know a lot do you?"

She saw Paul's eyes wince with the light as she flicked on the small bedside lamp.

"Hey it's not my fault no-one tells me anything." he slurred.

He stumbled in the direction of the open door of the adjoining bathroom. Stephanie quickly followed on behind him worried he was going to gag or choke or something. But he didn't and he stood there patiently as she ran a cloth under the hot water faucet. She rubbed it into the bar of soap before sitting on the lid of the toilet and tentatively dabbing at the beer stained material.

"I don't think that will do any good, you know."

Stephanie lifted her eyes and her lips had parted in a retort when she felt her breath catch in her throat. Paul's eyes were closed as his head leant against the cool tiled wall. In that moment she swore he had never looked more beautiful and chest ached with her feelings for him. They were feelings that she'd held onto for so long and feelings that had never faded with the passing of time. If anything his absence had only made her heart grow fonder but Paul would never know that because her love for him would always remain her guilty secret.

Deliberately looking away, Stephanie tried to get a grip of herself as she continued to dab at the t-shirt and tried not to notice the sound of his steady breathing in the silent bathroom.

"You're looking awfully quiet for someone who is supposed to be having a good time." she teased.

"I think the room is moving." he replied, his eyes slowly fluttering open.

"It's not the room. It's you." she smiled as she felt him sway unsteadily once more. "Stand still."

"Yes boss."

Her shoulders shook with her gentle laughter as she straightened up and started to rinse the cloth once more.

"You know it's great to be home." said Paul, turning to smile as she stood at the white ceramic sink. "It makes me remember what it was like to be young again. You know be free to do whatever you wanted."

Stephanie rolled her eyes dryly at his melancholy as she began to rub at the stain on his shirt. "Paul, you're only twenty years old for God sakes."

"I know but sometimes I feel older, like I've been doing this same shit for so long now. You know what I mean? I go to school. I work two jobs. In fact I work my ass off constantly just to keep my head above water. Hell, I even date the girl I'm supposed to and yet it's still not enough."

As Paul's heavy sigh echoed around the tiled walls, Stephanie dumped the cloth and smiled sympathetically at his sad, drunk expression. It was an expression that mirrored the words he had just spoken and an expression that maybe explained his need to get trashed tonight.

"What's not enough?" she asked encouragingly.

"Everything. Me." he sighed once more as he raked his fingers through his hair.

"Hey. There's nothing wrong with being you."

As her words hung between them, a knowing smile tugged at Paul's lips. A smile that seemed almost gentle in its expression. "You know I seem to remember telling you that exact same thing not so long ago."

Stephanie smiled tenderly knowing the conversation he was referring to. It was the night Drew tried to attack her. The same night Paul had saved her. "Well you should listen to your own advice. You're a really great guy, Paul."

"You think so?"

She nodded.

This time his smile was rueful as he rubbed his face wearily. "Well Emily doesn't. We had a fight. She thinks we need space."

Stephanie tried to conceal her shock at that news. Paul and Emily had been together ever since she could remember. "I'm sorry."

"Really? Because I'm not."

As her blue eyes widened in surprise, Paul's expression shifted and his almost dark, serious expression made her knees feel slightly weak.

"I bet you don't know that I think about you sometimes and remember what you said to me the last time I saw you."

His admission made her heart skip a beat. The blood beat in her ears as she stood there frozen to the spot and she swore she could feel the air shift between them as his face lowered towards her.

"I was looking, Steph. It just took me a while to find you that's all." Paul whispered as his words danced over her mouth causing her to tremble inside. His eyelids slowly shut and he pressed his lips softly against hers.

Stephanie almost forgot to breathe and she hesitated for only a fraction of a second before she felt her own eyes close and she melted into him. Her hand moved up to rest gently against his damp firm chest and she let out a soft moan as Paul's mouth widened a little and he began kissing her more insistently. His kiss was perfect; more perfect that she could have ever possibly imagined and God knows she had dreamt about this moment so many times. She just never thought it could be a reality; that the boy she had fallen in love with so long ago would ever see her and kiss her back.

But as Paul's long fingers reached to tangle in her hair Stephanie knew she wasn't deluded enough to believe any of this was actually real. Paul was drunk. He didn't have a clue what he was doing right now and was being carried away by a moment; a moment that would never happen if he had been sober and in control. But was it wrong that she knew that and she didn't care? Because she really didn't, not when she could taste the mixture of mint and beer on his breath and feel his steady heartbeat against her flattened palm. Her own heart was pounding, racing at one hundred miles an hour in her chest. Paul's lips were so soft and warm and firm and tasted deliciously sweet. His clean and citrus fragrance invaded her senses as she lost herself completely in him. Stephanie knew she couldn't stop this even if she wanted to and why would she? She needed Paul so much and needing him could never be wrong. Not in her eyes, not when she felt the way she did about him. The way she could only dream he felt about her. God, she couldn't remember a time when her heart didn't belong to him and she was completely in love with him.

As Stephanie's hand slowly skimmed up and down his chest, Paul's tongue flicked out teasing her top lip. Her mouth instinctively parted allowing him entry and a gentle whimper escaped from the back of her hot throat as his tongue met hers, sliding together as they tasted one another. The sensation it created was incredible. Paul's hands were gently caressing her shoulders and the thin straps of her red silk top fell to her arms as she placed her hand on his back and pressed his body closer into her, needing to feel him, wanting to have him as close as possible because she'd waited too long to touch him like this and she didn't want to wait one second longer. Not when the mere thought of him drove her crazy inside and her whole body was burning with her desire.

Tingles shot down Stephanie's spine as he brushed back the strands of her hair and began assaulting her neck with his wet open-mouthed kisses making her mind dizzy as she struggled to breathe. The back of her legs eventually hit the bed as Paul gently guided her through the room and he lowered her towards the centre of the mattress, his massive body shifting above her as he suddenly pulled away making her feel cold and empty without him, desperate for his touch.

Lightly shivering at the loss of contact, Stephanie raised her head to see Paul standing at the edge of the bed and she bit down on her lip as she watched him remove his shoes before his clumsy fingers fumbled with the button of his jeans. She felt a rush of nervous anticipation realising this was really going to happen as his zipper echoed in the silent room and he pushed down the faded denim over his hips. The smooth skin of his muscular thighs seemed to glisten in the soft glow of the lamp and as he kicked his jeans from his feet, she knew she had never seen anyone so beautiful in all her life. Paul was absolutely perfect and for one night he was all hers.

Feeling her insides burn at that thought, Stephanie kicked off her own sandals and lifted up her hips to push down her navy denim skirt. It pooled around her ankles and she swallowed thickly as Paul tugged it from her feet, watching her with heavy lidded eyes. Eyes that pierced a hole through her making her ache for him as he continued to stare at her. Those eyes never left her once as he gripped the bottom hem of his damp white t-shirt.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her huskily.

Stephanie could only press her lips together and nod her reply. She didn't want to speak. She was scared that if she did she would break the magic. It was a magic where Paul wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him. And she did want him. There wasn't the slightest doubt about that in her mind.

Her breathing felt laboured as she watched him yank his t-shirt over his head. His hair bristled with static as the garment dropped to the floor and it felt softly around his shoulders, framing his gorgeous face. He began to crawl towards her, the mattress creaking underneath his weight. His long blonde strands hung over his eyes yet still she felt his remarkable brown pools still watching her, penetrating her, making her weak inside.

Stephanie swallowed thickly as she hungrily drank him in. Paul's broad chest was cast in shadows from low light of the room and his grey boxer briefs barely skimmed the tops of his thick, toned thighs. The muscles rippled in his chiselled abdomen and her tongue flicked out to lick her dry lips. God, he was absolutely beautiful and she wanted him more than she had ever wanted any man in her life. In fact, she'd never allowed a man to touch her like this before. This would be her very first time sleeping with someone. She'd always told herself she was saving herself for that special person; the person she would marry and the person she would grow old with. But the truth was she was just waiting for him. She'd been waiting for Paul.

There was no hesitation in her mind as her fingers reached to gently graze his cheek and Stephanie felt waves of desire rush through her veins as his legs brushed against hers before gently nudging them apart. Her body ached for him as she spread them even further, his massive frame lowering over her as her skin brushed against the soft cotton. She felt the bubbles of nervous anticipation building in the pit of her stomach as their eyes connected for the briefest of moments. She felt herself falling into the dark eyes that smouldered with his longing and desire showing her that Paul wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him. And his need for her didn't scare her at all. It only cemented in her mind that she was doing the right thing by being with him especially when she didn't see one ounce of regret in his seductive glare.

Paul captured her mouth once more causing the ends of his hair to lightly tickle her cheekbone letting her smell the shampoo he had recently used. Her fingers reached up to into the silky strands eagerly returning his kiss. His skin felt like fire pressed against hers as their laboured breathing filled the silence. Her entire body throbbed as his hand pushed down her top exposing her right breast. The nipple hardened in the chill of the bedroom and she let out a cry as his hot tongue flicked over it. His left hand was firmly rubbing her thigh and his fingers burned her skin, making her lightly tremble.

"Paul." she gasped, whispering his name. 

Stephanie's fingernails scraped against his skin as she roughly pushed down the waistband of his shorts pulling him closer to her. Paul seemed to sense her urgency as his head lifted from her breast and his mouth searched for hers as he began to kiss her hard, their tongues seeking one another. His skin felt so firm against her hands as they skimmed over his ass. She sucked on his bottom lip as she guided the cotton material of her boxers down his long, hard thighs and Paul's arousal brushed against her causing her body to shiver with longing. God, she needed him so much.

Her lips prickled as he broke away from her and tugged down her scrap of red lace. Her fingertips traced his side as she shifted underneath him swallowing thickly, watching him. She wanted Paul with every fibre of her being and she'd never felt so alive inside as she did right at this moment.

As Paul moved over her once more, Stephanie felt a burst of nervous energy. Her hands slid over his hips pulling him towards her as his piercing brown eyes watched her and her breath caught in her hot sticky throat as he whispered her name so softly she almost missed it. His fingertips lightly swept her hair across her forehead and she pressed her lips together feeling overcome by the tenderness in that one moment. The brief moment that gave her a tiny shred of hope that maybe Paul did have some sort of feelings for her. Feelings that meant her love for him wasn't completely hopeless because God, did she love him. She had loved him from the very first moment she had saw him.

"You're so beautiful." he hushed.

Paul kissed her once more and Stephanie closed her eyes shut letting herself succumb to him, shutting out her thoughts. She refused to acknowledge that tiny knot of guilt she could feel twisting in her stomach; guilt that told her maybe this was wrong. But she just wanted this one moment; this one night where Paul would give himself completely to her and love her. It was a love she had only ever dreamed about and it was a love that after tonight would remain firmly in those dreams. Paul would be a perfect memory she could hold on to and she welcomed that sentiment wholeheartedly because after tonight, memories of Paul could be all she had left………….


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Six Years Before – The Morning After The Night Before

_I used to have this dream and it was the same dream every time. I was stuck on this mountain, trapped and alone. I was so cold and scared and had just given up hope of someone coming to find me when I would look up and see you standing there. Your big hand was a lifeline reaching out to me. You'd pull me to my feet and feeling me shiver, you'd wrap your arms around me. I'd breathe you in knowing I was finally going to be safe because you'd found me……. _

Paul's eyes slowly fluttered open to be met with the first rays of the morning sun that filtered through the open window. He could feel his sockets burn with the pinkish orange hue and he quickly shut them again softly groaning as he turned his head on the soft pillows. His nose twitched as his tousled strands tickled his face and he could feel his temples start to dully throb reminding him of his over indulgence of the previous night. Shit! Why had he been so determined to get completely trashed? Oh yeah. He had wanted to have a good time. Pity he forgot about the part where he felt like crap the next morning.

Shifting on the mattress, Paul licked his dry lips and silently contemplated fetching a glass of water. That was when he suddenly remembered and his eyes popped open to stare at the person lying next to him. Stephanie. He could feel the gentle heat of her body as he swallowed thickly, his eyes drifting over the curve of her shoulder remembering the feel of her smooth, warm skin against his hands and the silky texture of her long brown strands that were now fanned across the pillow. She had been so beautiful and he knew last night was a night he would never forget. How could he when it had been one of the most incredible experiences of his young life.

Sighing softly, Paul rolled onto his back, his legs tangling in the sheets as he stared up at the cracked painted ceiling. He slid his hand behind his head in case he was tempted to touch her, not able to trust himself not to. Because the truth was he wanted to touch her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly to him. And while that was so wrong on so many levels, it also felt completely right. Waking up with Stephanie felt so natural and being with her had touched him in ways he simply couldn't explain. And it hadn't just been the fact he had slept with her. It was something much deeper than that. There had been this sweetness to her, a gentle innocence that had stirred something deep inside him. And as their bodies had rocked together, he had found himself getting swept away in her, losing part of him completely. He had connected with Stephanie in a way that, quite honestly, had scared him half to death. Because what he had felt with Stephanie, he had never felt in his life before. Not even with Emily.

Paul grimaced as he thought of his long term girlfriend, his childhood sweetheart. Or at least that's the way his parents fondly described her. They both adored Emily and had been over the moon when he began dating her during his freshman year at high school. Emily's parents had been happy too and it was no surprise. His parents and the Shephards were best friends. They were neighbours and lived right across the street and had done since before he was even born. In fact, he and Emily had grown up together while their parents visited and shared dinner practically every weekend. So they had become close over the years; so close it had been no surprise to anyone when they had made the transition from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend six years ago. Emily's mother even joked they had always been destined for one another. Once upon a time he had thought perhaps they were. Lately since they had moved to college, he wasn't so sure and he could feel himself pulling away from Emily, knowing that they were starting to grow apart, wanting different things and becoming two different people. He had actually been relieved when she had asked for space during their argument last week. They seemed to be arguing a lot lately and he knew she had to sense as well as he did that things were different now and that the love they had for another was changing. Sure, he still cared about Emily. He still loved her but what he was starting to doubt whether he was actually in love with her. And last night had only strengthened those doubts in his mind.

Sighing softly, Paul allowed himself to steal a glance over at Stephanie. As he took her in, he felt that knot of guilt in his chest knowing sleeping with her had been so wrong. But if what he had felt with her was wrong, he didn't want to know what was right. He had been completely immersed in her taste and a vanilla scent that was uniquely her. The sensations he had felt being with her was a sweet form of agony because it had left him feeling even more confused than ever. Because the fondness he felt for Stephanie wasn't as innocent as he liked to make out. He was beginning to think it never had been. The truth was she had always captivated him in some way whether it was watching her dance in the garden as a little girl or the sight of her laughing in the school hallway with her friends. She had the most breathtaking smile and there had always been this aura around her that grabbed his attention. And now she had grabbed his attention in a whole different way but that was drowned out by the fear, the guilt and regret he felt about Emily. Because the truth was no matter how right it had felt to be with Stephanie, he had betrayed the person he had loved for so long.

Paul's eyes pulled away and he shifted restlessly, beginning to feel uncomfortable in his own skin. He threw back the covers and quickly swung his legs over to rise from the bed. He was completely unaware that Stephanie was awake and listening to him as he moved around, retrieving his underwear and crumpled jeans from the floor.

She hardly dared to breathe as he walked into the bathroom, softly clicking the door shut behind him. Only then did she exhale slowly and opened her eyes to stare ahead. She could hear the sound of the water running in the basin. It drowned out the beating of her own heart that was thumping away madly in her chest as the memories flooded her mind. Memories of a night she knew she would remember forever.

God, Paul had been so incredibly sweet and gentle with her. It was almost as if he had sensed her fear and her apprehension; fears that had disappeared the second he had kissed her and slid slowly inside her. If he had felt her pained grimace as he filled her completely, he hadn't noticed and he wouldn't be expecting it anyway because the truth was she hadn't told him. She hadn't confessed to Paul that before last night, she had been a virgin. And it wouldn't have mattered anyway. She wouldn't have stopped what had happened between them. Paul might have though. Even in his drunken state, the knowledge of her innocence would have brought him to his senses and that was probably the reason she had remained silent. She had wanted last night to happen. She had wanted it more than anything.

As Stephanie listened to the movement in the bathroom, she felt her body tingle as she remembered every caress and every hushed whisper. And while the actual sex had been the most amazing and emotional experience of her life, the thing that had gotten to her the most was the tenderness she could feel as Paul took her. And then there had been the moment she would remember more than any other, the moment when he had looked into her eyes and brushed her hair over her forehead. It had felt so nice and had made her feel safe and protected at a time where she felt a little scared, doubting her own abilities as a woman. After all, Paul had experience. He had been with other women, well one woman to be exact. A woman who she knew she could never measure up to. Paul loved Emily and despite what had happened between them, she knew nothing was going to change that. She wasn't some stupid and naïve girl. She knew how the world worked and she knew what she had been getting herself into the second Paul had kissed her.

Just then the sound of bathroom door opening startled her. Stephanie felt her breath catch in her throat as the sight of him overwhelmed her. His unbuttoned jeans hung loosely around his hips and the smooth skin of his bare chest glistened in the soft light. As his big hand lifted to push back his tousled blonde strands, their eyes locked and she felt the nervous anticipation building in her stomach. She also felt scared and terribly anxious as she sat up in bed, clutching the cotton sheet to her chest. But as Paul slowly approached her, Stephanie knew the one thing she didn't feel was regret. How could she regret anything when she was so in love with this man, this boy who her heart had loved forever?

"Hey." Paul said softly as his hand fell to his side and she could sense his awkwardness as he stood by the bed. It put her a little at ease knowing she wasn't the only one feeling that way.

"Hi." she smiled. "You're up."

"Yeah. Sorry if I woke you."

"No." she assured him, shaking her head. "I was awake."

"Good."

His hand briefly drifted to his stomach, his long fingers rubbing over his chiselled abdomen. Stephanie swallowed thickly deliberately pulling her eyes away and spotting her clothes in a bundle on the floor. She modestly gestured to them not wanting to be wearing nothing but a sheet when they discussed the recent events between them. And it was a conversation they would have. She knew it was inevitable and unfortunately there was no way of avoiding it.

"Could you?" she asked him.

"Sure."

He smiled almost gratefully for the distraction and as he handed her over the clothes, Stephanie felt the tingling sensation of Paul's fingertips as they brushed over hers.

"Thanks." she smiled.

"No problem. I should probably finish dressing too."

She nodded and was relieved when he turned his back wandering over to the other side of the room, giving her privacy. She kicked the covers from her legs and quickly manoeuvred around the sheet she still held, hastily pulling on the garments while all the while making sure the thin material covered any nudity. It was only once she was completely clothed, she finally allowed it to fall to the unmade bed. The mattress lightly creaked as she stood up, smoothing down her skirt and adjusting the straps of her vest top. Paul was now also fully clothed and his long fingers were rubbing small circles in his temple, evidence of the delicate condition he had to be in this morning.

"Headache?" Stephanie asked him as she took a few tentative steps towards him.

He nodded and smiled unaware that one simple action turned her inside out.

"You should take something for it when you get home." she suggested. "Speaking of which, I'm surprised no one is banging down the door asking us to leave already."

"Well everyone's probably still passed out down there. It's early yet."

"Yeah." Stephanie agreed, raking her fingers through her hair nervously as a palpable silence descended on the room. Paul was watching her with an unfathomable expression on his face. She shifted her feet underneath her feeling a tension building in the air now the small talk was over momentarily ending any conversation between them. She just wished she knew how to act or what to say here. Unfortunately she wasn't an expert dealing in the morning after the night before.

But before she could dwell on it any further, the sound of a phone ringing echoed around them. She watched Paul reach into his jeans pocket and glance at the screen of his cell before sighing and looking away. Stephanie's brow crinkled with her curiosity.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" she asked.

"No."

"It could be important." she teased not wanting him to have to ignore the call on her account. But as Paul looked up and she saw the awkward expression on his face, she also saw the guilt that was hidden in the dark depths of his brown eyes and she knew exactly who was calling him before he eventually replied, confirming her suspicions.

"It's, uh, it's Emily."

Stephanie nodded and dropped her head to briefly glance at the floor. The phone fell silent and she could hear Paul's heavy sigh as his feet shuffled towards her.

"So, I guess we should talk about this."

As his words hung in the air, she wondered what there was to talk about exactly. What was the point in rehashing what had happened between them when really, it wasn't going to make any difference. Paul didn't want to be with her. He loved somebody else and she was okay with that. Or at the very least she could accept their situation.

Lifting her head, she decided she was going to be the bigger person here. Regardless of her feelings, she could already see the tremendous amount of guilt Paul felt and she didn't want him to feel that way. Not when she had gone into this with her eyes wide open. Paul had been drunk and had reacted in the heat of the moment. He hadn't been thinking straight and probably had no clue what he was doing. Yet she had been in complete control. When he had questioned their actions, she had been the one to tell him it was what she had wanted. And for that reason alone, he didn't need to feel like she wanted or deserved some sort of explanation or justification.

"It's okay, Paul. I mean you were drunk, you were upset about Emily. I get it, I do." she told him.

He sighed heavily, his brown eyes staring at her contritely. "I'm sorry, Steph. I didn't….."

She quickly cut him off, shaking her head. "Don't be. I mean we're both adults, right so we can handle this like one. We can be amicable about it."

Paul's brow furrowed in confusion. "Amicable?"

"Yes."

"You're being very fucking matter of fact about this." he snapped.

Stephanie's eyes went wide with surprise at his anger. She was basically letting him off the hook here when really she was this huge jumble of emotion and all she wanted was for him to pull her into his arms and never let go. She was trying so hard not to fall apart here. What more did he want from her?

"Well what else do you want me to do?" she shot back. "What's happened has happened, Paul. We can't turn the clocks back. We just have to admit we made a mistake and move on."

"A mistake?"

"Yes. I mean, that's what this was, right? A mistake."

Paul's mouth hung open as he struggled to find the words to respond. Stephanie had completely thrown him and to his surprise, he felt a little hurt. Because despite the guilt and the confusion, last night had meant something to him. Rightly or wrongly, he'd risked his relationship with Emily for one night with Stephanie and the really scary thing was if he had the chance, he knew there was a big part of him that would probably do it all over again.

"You're not a mistake to me, Steph." he eventually stammered out.

"Don't." Stephanie paused as she pressed her lips together trying to maintain her composure and trying her hardest not to grab onto the tiny glimmer of hope his confession had offered her. "Please don't do that."

"Do what?"

"You know what. Paul, you're with Emily and last night isn't going to change of that now is it?"

Her blue eyes watched him with baited breath as she waited on his response. When he looked away, bowing his head, she knew she had her answer. An answer that deep down she already knew because the reality was Paul's heart belonged with someone else, someone that wasn't her.

"I didn't think so." she said softly.

Paul's head eventually lifted. She could see a myriad of emotions in his eyes; emotions that brought her dangerously close to tears knowing that what they had shared was tarnished with his guilt and tarnished by the knowledge that for her, the dream of him was over. Paul didn't love her. He never would.

"Steph……."

She abruptly shook her head cutting him off. "No, Paul. We should at least just have the guts to admit what this really is. It was a drunken one night stand, nothing more."

She ignored the flicker of pain that accompanied the harshness of her words knowing that acknowledging it would only crumble her resolve.

"And that's honestly what you believe?" asked Paul.

His brown eyes searched her face. Stephanie tried to pull on the tiny reserve of strength she had left as she nodded her head knowing this was for the best.

"Yes."

She bit down on her lip as Paul stared at her in silence, his deep brown eyes piercing through her while inside she could feel her heart shattering into tiny little pieces. Her tears were building, burning the back of her throat and she knew it was only a matter of seconds before she completely broke down. And she didn't want to cry. Not now. Not in front of him.

"You should probably go." she quickly blurted out.

She ducked her head feeling the pain constrict her chest. It felt like an eternity as Paul stood motionless before he blew out a heavy sigh of resignation.

"Yeah." he said sadly.

Paul brushed past her to leave the room. He didn't see the glossy expression in Stephanie's eyes or the tear that slipped down her cheek as he walked out of the door and out of her life once more. This time she knew it would be forever. Things could never go back the way they were. Not now; not after everything. So that left her with only one choice. She had to let Paul go and pray to God her heart found a way to survive the fallout.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Present Time

_Lying alone in bed at night I often think about what we shared together and if I imagine it badly enough, I can taste you on my lips and feel your warmth on my skin. My heart gently aches, still missing you. And that's when I allow myself to hope for the tiniest chance you might remember that night too and maybe even still think of me.…….. _

"You want one last drink for the road?"

Paul furrowed his brow at Stephanie's suggestion as his lips rolled together in silent contemplation. His body felt pleasantly warm from the alcohol he had already consumed over the course of the night and a couple of times he had even found his vision blurring ever so slightly. His head was even starting to feel a little fuzzy but it was his own fault. He had made the conscious decision to forego remaining sober a long time ago so really there was no choice to be made here about another drink. And one more couldn't make him any drunker than he already felt. He also found he was in no particular rush to leave the club either. He was having a good time despite his initial nervousness at coming here and any awkwardness he imagined he might feel seeing Stephanie again had slipped away the second she had looked up and smiled at him.

"I suppose I could stay and force another one down." he replied. "I mean your company hasn't completely sucked tonight."

As his brown eyes twinkled teasingly back at her, Stephanie laughed and gathered their empty glasses, gripping them in the fingers of her right hand. She hopped down from her tall stool flicking her brown hair over her shoulder.

As she wandered behind the bar, Paul lightly scratched at his chin and looked around the low lit deserted room. Last call had been issued some time ago and the staff had followed soon after including the bar manager who with a sick infant son at home had been more then happy to take Stephanie up on her offer to stay behind and close up the place. Maybe it was in his rush to get out the door that the guy forgot to chuck him out with the rest of the stragglers but the brief nod goodbye in his direction made Paul reluctantly entertain the notion that this was a regular thing and Stephanie often had company after hours. He had to admit that thought unsettled him more than he cared to acknowledge as well as make him realise how little he actually knew about this grown up woman and the life that she had now. And although he was desperate to know more, he was also hesitant to ask not quite sure if he had any right to enquire about any of her personal details.

"Ice?" Stephanie asked him.

Paul shook his head answering her as he shifted on his stool and rested his thick forearms on the bar watching Stephanie pour the generous shots of vodka into their glasses. He really hadn't meant to stay so long but once they had started talking he seemed to lose all track of time. An hour had somehow drifted into five as they reminisced about the past. Of course so far they had only stuck to safe topics of conversation. It was almost like an unspoken agreement had passed between them as they spent the majority of the time discussing their childhood memories and their common bond in Shane. With an entire continent between them, Paul had lost contact with him over the years and had apparently missed out on a lot. The guy was now happily married with a two year old kid and still living in Europe heading up some department in a successful media company out there. Stephanie had seemed proud yet quite sad when she had talked about her brother and that alone raised even more questions in his head. Questions that he didn't quite dare to ask in case they led him down a path he wasn't quite ready to venture towards. Because it may have been six years since he last saw Stephanie but being with her now made it feel like it could have been only yesterday. Her re-appearance in his life had rekindled a lot of memories for him; memories he couldn't quite seem able to shake which bothered him more than he cared to admit. Because lately it seemed he couldn't stop thinking about her or that night they had spent together which was why he had come here to see her tonight. Quite honestly, he hadn't been able to stay away even if he had wanted to.

Paul sighed softly, raking his big hand through his long blonde hair.

"So, you close up often?" he asked shifting on his seat and deliberately ending that particular train of thought in his head. It was very dangerous for him not to mention extremely reckless.

Stephanie lifted her shoulder in a shrug as she grabbed another liquor bottle. "Sometimes. It all depends."

She poured the drink mixing it with the vodka. Paul's nose crinkled with his curiosity and his dismay as he saw the strange orange concoction she had created.

"Steph, what the hell is that?"

Her lips curved up into a slow grin. "It's called Absolut Damage." she informed him as she passed the glass tumbler in his direction.

"Looks more like absolutely disgusting." he commented as he eyed it suspiciously.

Stephanie rolled her eyes dryly lifting her own glass and her heels echoed in the silence of the club as she walked back to her seat.

"What on earth is in this thing?"

"It's vodka and cinnamon schnapps."

She hopped back on her stool and her face flickered with her amusement as Paul took a mouthful and instantly grimaced in disgust. His glass was slammed to the bar and he pushed it away from his reach. He coughed as the fiery taste hit the back of his throat and his voice was thick as his glossy brown eyes stared at her incredulously.

"Jesus Christ! How can you drink that shit?"

Stephanie giggled as he cleared his throat and coughed once more. He screwed up his face at the taste that lingered in his mouth.

"I don't know. We used to drink it all the time in college."

Paul shook his head as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. As he gazed at her thoughtfully, he decided to take the opening she had offered him by mentioning college. It was the first time Stephanie had brought up anything remotely personal all night and he had to admit that despite his reluctance to visit the ghosts of their past, he wanted to find out more. He needed to. He was intrigued about her and her life in particular how she got here. Because the Stephanie McMahon he knew had so many hopes and dreams. What had happened to her that she had ended up here in this place, taking off her clothes for a living? Not that he was judging her in any way for it. He wasn't one for casting stones about anybody. People could do what the hell they wanted to with their lives. It just didn't make any sense to him that was all. Not when he thought about and remembered the girl she used to be.

"So you went to college, huh?" he asked as he pushed his blonde strands behind his left ear.

"For a while." Stephanie sighed, smiling awkwardly and turning to her drink. She lifted the glass taking a sip wondering if there was any way she could get out of this conversation. God knows she'd spent hours exhausting small talk trying to avoid the pathetic story of her life. See, she didn't want Paul to realise how jaded and unhappy a person she really was. The very idea he would be disappointed in her killed her inside but it appeared her time was now up and she could feel Paul watching her, patiently waiting for her to continue. She guessed she had nothing to lose by telling him the truth. It wasn't a truth she was exactly proud of though because she had made a lot of mistakes; big mistakes that she was still paying for in one way or another. Still, maybe telling Paul about those mistakes would make him understand why she was here and why she was no longer that girl that he used to know. The girl who wanted to be a dancer and the girl who thought her dreams could somehow come true. A girl who soon learned that dreaming was only for poor misguided fools like she had been.

Biting down on her lip, Stephanie tucked her hair behind her ear and took another sip of her drink as she tried to draw on the courage she needed to tell Paul the truth. She could feel his steady gaze burn a path right through her. As she swallowed the sour tasting liquid, she expelled a calming breath and began to tell her story.

"It was a college of the arts and I went there wanting to be on stage." she said sadly, tracing her finger along the rim of her glass as she glanced up at him. "Broadway, London. You name it, I was going to be there performing."

"So what happened?"

"Well…." Stephanie paused and rolled her lips together as she silently acknowledged how relatively painless this all felt and that surprised her. Why did one of the most difficult experiences in her life suddenly felt quite easy to talk about when Paul was the one sitting listening to her with that gentle expression on his face, focused on her, watching her? It almost made her feel like she could tell him anything at all.

"I got injured." she eventually continued lightly scratching at her forearm. "One day I landed a jump and heard a pop in my knee. I thought I'd just twisted it or something but eventually the pain got really bad and that's when I found out I'd torn my ACL. After that my knee was completely shot. Unfortunately my dancing days were over."

"And they couldn't repair it?"

Stephanie slowly shook her head and offered him a wry smile. "They tried but because I'd kept using the knee and still danced with it, I severely damaged the cartilage and apparently complicated the injury. There was nothing they could do in the end."

Paul's face faintly flickered with his sympathy. "God, Steph."

"I know it was stupid to keep going but I honestly didn't know how serious the injury was. Plus I was really scared." she admitted pressing her lips together tightly and sighing. "There was this big show coming up and I was so desperate for the lead part. I thought I could muddle through but one day I woke up and I couldn't even put any weight on my leg."

"But it was your ACL. Surely you were in a lot of pain before that? Some indication of just how serious it was."

"Yeah but I took the good drugs." she told him, lifting her shoulder in a shrug and letting out a nervous chuckle as her hand raked through her hair. "Although it was too much of the good drugs if I'm being honest which probably brings us to the next part of my sad little story."

Paul stared at her silently for a moment giving Stephanie the time to wonder why she had blurted out that part. It wasn't like she needed to tell him about the drugs but if she was being completely honest here she found that she actually wanted to. For some reason it felt good to talk about it, almost like she was unburdening herself of this giant weight she'd been carrying around forever. God knows it had been a long time since she'd talked to anyone about anything. But more than that, she needed Paul to know everything. For some reason that felt really important to her. She just prayed he understood and wouldn't judge her.

"What happened to you, Steph?"

The genuine concern in his question moved her and the tone of his voice was soft; so soft Stephanie felt her breath catch in her throat imagining she could detect an intimacy there. Or maybe she didn't and she just wanted it so badly she could hear something that wasn't there. She quickly pushed that notion from her mind, licking her lips as she took another sip of her drink and tried to explain.

"I got addicted to the painkillers I was taking." she admitted with a reluctant smile. "I was also drinking a lot too and hanging about with the wrong crowd. I eventually got into trouble and got kicked out of college. I ended up checking myself into in rehab for a few months and I want you to know that was not something I'm exactly proud of. I just had to do it, you know."

Stephanie looked deeply into his eyes searching for the disappointment she was sure she would see there but all she saw was concern and compassion for her situation. And when he spoke, Paul's voice was completely without judgement and deep down, despite her fears, she knew it would be. It's probably why she had told him the whole truth in the first place.

"You do know this is me you're talking to, Steph. You don't have to justify yourself to me."

"I know." she smiled gratefully realising that statement was true. Because somehow when everyone had seen her as different and somewhat strange, Paul had always accepted her, no matter what.

"I'm just sorry for what's happened to you." he told her softly.

"Why? It was my own fault. Everybody told me to get my knee checked out but I didn't listen. I was too worried about missing out on my big chance. Now I'm missing out permanently."

She lifted her shoulder in a shrug embarrassed for the self pity she could hear lingering in her voice. Because she had no right to feel pity for what she had done; not when it had been totally self inflicted because of her own stupidity.

"But hey" she said smiling trying her best to lift the mood. "I still get to dance, right? And in the finest of establishments may I add."

Paul's mouth curved up gently noticing Stephanie's smile didn't quite reach her eyes as she gestured around the small club. In fact there was a sadness that still lingered in the ocean blue pools that stared back at him. But he didn't mention it. He could sense she didn't want to dwell on what she had just told him. And he had to admit he was pleased about that because he still felt like he was reeling from her admission. He understood but it was a lot to process. So instead he decided to encourage her attempt at humour by lifting his glass in the air and tilting it in her direction in a mock toast.

"Hey I'll drink to that!"

He placed the glass to his lips and took a drink. He immediately regretted it as the sharp tang hit his tongue. He winced, lightly shaking his head as he swallowed the weird orange beverage.

"Fuck." he frowned placing the drink down once more. "Maybe I won't."

"Light weight."

Paul scowled and was ready to shoot back with a retort when he felt it stick in the back of his throat. Stephanie had shifted on her stool and the pale light above her now fell softly over her face. It suddenly struck him how beautiful she was and actually how beautiful she always had been to him even if it had taken a lifetime to realise what had been there right in front of him.

"So that's my pathetic life." Stephanie sighed unwittingly lifting him from his haze as she shifted in her seat. "What's your story to tell?"

"Well I don't have much of a story really." he shrugged absently rubbing his hand over his thick denim clad thigh. "I graduated a few years ago and am now a fully qualified graphic designer."

"Really? And what does that entail exactly?" she asked with interest.

"What it entails is getting to stay home all day playing with video games." he grinned widely reminding her somewhat of an excited little boy. "See I'm designing some graphics for this software company right now but I'm freelance which means I could be doing anything. Last month I was working on this advertising campaign and a few months before that I was sketching a few cartoons."

The left corner of Stephanie's mouth lifted in a smirk as she raised her brow. "Well I reckon comic books would be about your level of mentality."

"Ha ha. Very funny. It was for a book actually, a children's book."

"Wow. So it sounds like you could be doing anything at anytime."

Paul nodded as he lifted his hand to his mouth, stifling back a yawn. "I like the variation. It stops things becoming boring."

"What? Like my company?" Stephanie teased.

He smiled at her apologetically as his big hand rubbed at his eye. "Hey, I already told you it didn't suck. Besides, you were the one that said you were boring. Not me." he said before his eyes briefly fluttered shut and he bit back yet another yawn.

"You're tired. I should let you go home."

"Trying to get rid of me now?" he smirked as he rubbed wearily at his chin. "How long have we been sitting here anyway?"

"I don't know but I should probably get this place locked up."

Paul nodded shifting his long legs over the floor trying to encourage some feeling back in them as he peered at the black faced watch on his wrist. His brown eyes went wide when he realised it was a little after four. Shit! He knew it was late but not this late and in less than five hours Emily would be banging his door down wanting him to go shopping for rings for the damn wedding. A wedding that was still five months away yet with each day that passed he felt his life slipping away from him more and more. It was like this huge roller coaster ride he just couldn't get off. It scared him to death but he just couldn't stop it. It just wasn't that simple. Not when marrying Em was what was expected from him and God knows, he was all about doing what other people wanted, sometimes even at the expense of his own happiness.

"Will you be okay here while I check through the back?"

He nodded his head feeling Stephanie's hand briefly rest on his arm. Her warm fingers slowly burned through him as he looked up and swallowed thickly. Their eyes locked and something inside him stirred. Something that he hadn't felt since that night he had spent with her six years ago. God knows he'd tried his hardest to forget but lately it seemed he was fighting a losing battle. He couldn't shake the memories. He couldn't shake her. From the very first moment he had seen her again on that stage, Stephanie had been constantly on his mind. Now he found himself drowning in the pair of ocean blue pools staring back at him. Paul shifted his body slightly forward on the stool, feeling his breathing quicken.

"I won't be long." Stephanie said softly.

Her voice lifted him from the haze he had been in, bringing him back to his senses as her hand slid from his arm and she quickly got down from her seat. Paul lightly shook his head and felt his skin prickle with the chill at the loss of her touch. And as he watched her scurry away he wondered if Stephanie had seen something just now; something in his expression that gave away his intentions and had frightened her away. Because the truth was a few seconds longer and he would have made his move. He would have given in to the temptation and he would have pulled Stephanie into his arms and he would have kissed her.


End file.
